We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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