a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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