sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
