ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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