I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
