i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
