do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
