I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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