Christians are straight up FREAKS
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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