we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
