The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
