Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
