Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Pants are for mortals
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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