Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
