using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Fuck appropriateness.
We need to rekindle our bromance
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I can't turn off my feet"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize