He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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