I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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