its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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