i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
