Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize