My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
