It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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