Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
only you would photoshop your dick
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
