They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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