Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have tasted many bathrooms
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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