she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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