I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
