i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
sarcasm needs its own font
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
