it hurts more in the daytime
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
