i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
