thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
