hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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