I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
