My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize