If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize