You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
is wine microwaveable?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
