mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So vagazzling was a success
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
