They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
