White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Everything about him screamed your future.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
