ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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