i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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