can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
