He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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