i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
