Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
