if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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