please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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