my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
