I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
