she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
