4 words: hood of his car
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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