come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
