she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Text me some of your sweat
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
