Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
