My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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