So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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