I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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