My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize