is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
