return my video game
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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