Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
