After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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