Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
