I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
