I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize