i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
