I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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