i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
