After last night, I could never be a politician.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
