the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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