just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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