I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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