my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
