I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's official drugs can't kill me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Randomize
