how can u be prego again
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
