so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
