Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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